My experience in meditation [even being a little] has taught me achieving inner peace is like a non-end run. At the time you have achieved a higher level of inner peace, if you do not keep practising, you will lose it at a snap of your fingers. You must keep practising everyday, even if it is just stopping what you are doing to reflect in silence, out of a meditative pose. Don't blame yourself if you haven't achieved inner peace yet. As the Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo is used to saying 'it is OK not to be OK'. Instead of blaming yourself for getting right on the trap, resulting in manifestations of negative emotions derived from a moment of angriness, relax and reflect. Use the situation to practise within your mind; within your meditation exercises. The moment you get conscious about what has triggered the unbalance of your inner peace is the moment you start to reestablish it.
Are you a person who blames the self every single time something goes besides what your planning was? Are you a person who believes, out of understanding, every difficulty you face in life is your own mistake? Are you a person who, no matter the circumstances, thinks the self is always the problem? Whether you have found out a yes answer for none, some, or all of the aforementioned questions, I have only one thing to say to you: trust yourself by learning how to observe, analyse, and understand your own perspective and relativity, establishing a clear correlation between what happens in the surroundings and the contribution of the self about anything you experience in life. You may get yourself into past memories, which could help understanding the lack of mind training, and the past approaches you have taken to face similar challenges you are facing in the present moment. I could not help you out with neither the decision nor the execution of your actions in your own perspective and relativity. Instead, I could offer the comfort of saying you are the right, and the best, person to do it.
I could not say I know and understand what you are feeling in the present moment, but I am sure your nature is as beautiful as the nature of any sentient being walking this world. If you are not able to find on the outside the good energy you are willing to share from the inside, just shine your light, feed from that, and keep enhancing the self to make such light stronger. Do not get into the trap of believing in the illusions that say you are the problem, and you are able to do nothing but accept that things are permanent, and immutable. Every event in the universe is impermanent, and forcing the permanence of something is nothing more than going against our own nature, and therefore, our own evolutionary wheel.
The more we realise the relationship we have with the universe itself, the more we understand what impermanence means in the task of achieving inner peace.
Namaste 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓
Written by Jeferson Souza (thejefecomp).
Available also in a signed pdf version: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GQXpJ7BiUkn0G33wK12GoCsTU6v5Csux/view?usp=sharing